The beautiful Invitation of Jealousy
Heart-Convos from Christine … August 15, 2023
Hello Sweet Friends,
Who hasn’t felt the sting of jealousy at some point in their life? I know I have. Recently a client shared their relationship struggle that turned out to be anchored in this very sticky human emotion. So, I decided to offer you a reframe with a new perspective to try on and along with it 5 starter tips to assist when you realize you’re in the weeds with jealousy.
In working personally with jealousy, I’ve come to realize that the opposite of jealousy is inner spacious generosity. It’s essentially the shifting from a mindset & energy of lack – to that of a mindset & energy of abundance. But before we go straight to abundance let’s explore what I mean by lack mindset as felt in the emotion of jealousy.
The energy of LACK is felt when we come from a mindset of scarcity, unworthiness, classic FOMO, not-enough-ness, not belonging or fitting in, loneliness laced with not-mattering, or a deep dis-satisfaction with what is ours because we feel life is against us, and we only get the scraps. This is usually ignited by a practice of comparing ourselves and what we have, to what we believe everyone else has, or is experiencing in their lives. Most notably as offered in the daily parade on social media – especially for followers who measure their value against what others post. Sometimes just hearing about the good fortune of others can ignite our subconscious jealousy.
However, when evoked jealousy sets in – which if we are honest, it does for everyone from time to time…whether it’s the big green-eyed monster or it’s a tiny twist in our envious heart…either way - it always robs us of our peace of mind and generous joyful heart.
Like when we hear of a friend finding their perfect love while we’ve been searching and longing for our mate for years. Or when we hear of our grown kids and grandkids spending extra time with the “other” grandparents – when secretly we feel we’re the ones who deserve more time with them. Or hearing of girlfriends gathering for a trip or a special event, and that there isn’t enough space for us to join in. Perhaps it’s learning, after the fact, of our grown siblings visiting each other knowing we weren’t invited. Or hearing from our kids about the fun they had with our ex-husband’s new family and translating that to mean that we aren’t as much fun for them anymore. It could be hearing of someone else’s retirement travel, home remodeling, job promotions with more money, or any new and exciting stories of things that we wish described our life right now – but for whatever reason are not doable – yet.
All these moments twist the green-eyed monster’s nose out of joint – at times it can reck our moment, or our day, other times, our month. And truth is when we practice becoming controlled by this triggered “lack mindset” the negative defenses build and block our happiness light – thought by thought.
SO – you’re probably wondering…. HOW is this experience of jealousy a beautiful invitation??!
Well… because when you begin to practice mindfulness with intention to NOTICE when jealousy rises in you rather than joy for another’s good fortune – the noticing is the spark for empowered healing.
So that instead of negatively judging yourself for feeling jealous, you can begin to choose from love – to practice generosity. And the practice of generosity ignites spiritual energy, and along with self-awareness, opens your power of choice – and there is no better place to practice than with jealousy. Because when we can OPEN and EXPAND our hearts HERE – we can do it anywhere.
Our beautiful opportunity is to intentionally choose to feel inner spacious generosity instead of jealousy. Opening our hearts to feel genuine joy for another’s good fortune.
It is an invitation to practice self-awareness and shift our mindset & energy to ABUNDANCE. Where our belief is life is aligning with and FOR us – therefore, there is room for all. With trust and faith in the Universe, believing that whatever comes – all will be well, even if there is a rough patch to travel through. Confident that we will get through it. That we are loved, we belong, and we are a part of something. That our light is bright, and that we contribute to the happiness of others. And that we matter to our loved ones and the world.
So where to begin on this beautiful abundance shifting path? Well, my friend ~ this is a cultivated practice indeed. What I will offer you today is 5 starter steps to begin this deeper work. The idea is to shift your mindset and your energy from Lack to Abundance…☺
Starter Step #1- Practice gentle ease-dropping on yourself. Yes, listen to your thoughts, feelings and reactions to things that happen in your day. Listen and take notes of your thoughts. Take note of the tone and words of your self-talk. Then reflect on noted thoughts, words and tone. Is your tone kind with yourself as you would be with a friend? Most importantly do this without self-judgment – Only from Self-love and curiosity. This is an invitation to make friends with yourself. The most important friendship you will cultivate. ☺
Starter Step #2 – Go back, read, and reflect on your thoughts and ask yourself – What is it that is coming up for me here? What’s the underneath feeling? Does it remind me of another time I felt like that? Explore that time? What questions or beliefs about my life are coming up for me with this thought? Try to get to the underneath feeling or thought or belief.
Starter Step #3 – Get quiet with yourself and create a space of love and acceptance as you ask yourself these questions: Are the thoughts I’m noticing true? Am I sure they are true? If I reframe to a new thought or belief from LOVE – what might that new thought/belief be? Is it a more generous thought/belief? What actions can I take to create more of what I want to feel in my life? *Examples: volunteer; practice self-forgiveness; get move active; re-connect with a friend...etc. This practice gets you primed up to create space to wish others good fortune.
Starter Step #4 – Make a new practice each day of looking for evidence of the universe aligning to support you. Count your blessings and look for synchronicities. Look for evidence that life is working on your behalf. At the end of the day make some time to journal about them. * Examples: Perhaps the traffic was clear when you needed to make it to the appointment on time; perhaps you got that last jar of special pickles at the first store saving you more searches; or perhaps you had a conversation with a loved one and while it could have been tense – it turned out to be so sweet and pleasant. Be grateful. It attracts love and ease.
Starter Step #5 – Commit to see the abundance in your life. Practice to shift your perspective with easy things that happen in your day. Read books, or blogs, and listen to others speak about what abundance is and choose to build an abundance mindset. What would that look like for you? And revisit step #3 action ideas. And remember to do it all in the energy of self-love and self-acceptance.
My sweet friend, these are just a few very basic steps – a place to start so that you can answer the beautiful invitation when this very human emotion – jealousy – calls to you.
I invite you to become a mindfulness student with a beginner’s mind about what abundance is and about what shifting your energy and mindset is… and remember it’s Your Life and You have Choice. My wish is that at least one thing I’ve offered has been helpful to you.
If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. And you might be interested in my upcoming group coaching program ~ “Fundamentals: Ignite Fierce Forgiveness & Resilient Love”. To learn more contact me through my website. Subscribe to my email list and reach out. www.christineleoncoaching.com.
With Love always,
Christine
Life, Resilience & Relationship Coach
